At some point in life, everybody ends up feeling like an outsider. Talking about struggles or differences is a sensitive topic, something many are afraid to do in fear of being judged, or viewed as not normal. People are judged just for being themselves. Because of social norms, there is an unnatural amount of pressure to be like everyone else, to push everything different aside. So why do people feel the need to be “perfect”?
If people were to talk about their struggles, it would help them overcome them sooner. They would realize that they’re not alone. Even still, it’s a touchy subject to begin with. Many feel hesitant to talk about these things due to the fear of being judged, not being “normal,” or weirding others out. It’s almost considered taboo, something that shouldn’t be spoken about. But in order to figure out how this stigma came to be, we have to figure out where this idea even came from in the first place.
Even during the stone age, being able to fit in meant everything. It meant trust, and survival. People gravitated towards those who are similar. In the Roman era and throughout the renaissance, the ideal person was happy, good looking, conformed to their gender, and had a large family with many riches. Anyone who didn’t live up to this standard was looked down upon, leading them to do everything they could to become the “ideal” person. Because of this idea, it forced people to push their problems aside, making it seem as if they didn’t actually exist in order to appear as perfect. Anyone who behaved differently or struggled with anything under the surface was thought to be possessed or under divine punishment. People would be publicly humiliated, deemed as crazy by those around them. They would be shunned, just for being different.
Today, there has been increased attention being brought to this matter. People are encouraged to talk. There are countless programs designed to help people overcome their struggles, offering a space where they can fit in. But this has very little effect on social norms. Outside of these programs, almost nothing has changed. According to the US Congressional website, the murders of trans people have doubled over the past four years, for no reason besides how they identify. The desire to be accepted by others in the outside world is too strong, a desire which these programs are not able to fulfill. Some even fear their safety due to being different. According to the UN, 70% of hate crimes are against minorities, simply for falling under a certain category. Even those who say “be yourself” don’t always accept you for who you are. This eventually leads to people creating a mask for themselves, hiding their problems and personality to fit in. This leads to the question, how can we encourage others to be more open-minded, to erase the idea that anything out of the ordinary is taboo?
The brain is hardwired to automatically gravitate towards those who are similar, because it offers a sense of stability and consistency, according to Gwendolyn Seidman, a reporter for Psychology Today. Dislike of others typically stems from the fear of change, uncertainty, and pushing boundaries. This is sometimes viewed as a threat, not because they are threatening, simply because they are different.
Branching out only brings people closer together, slowly removing the invisible walls that people build around themselves. People would feel less like an outsider. People would be less scared to be themselves, because there would be no fear of being an outcast. People would grow closer, more open with each other, less scared of each other.
According to Psychology Today, spending time around those with other experiences, stories, and backgrounds improves decision making and the ability to adapt to change. This requires people to open their mind, to branch out past what they are comfortable with. If people were more accepting of those around them, the people who look different, the people who speak different, the people who struggle differently, maybe these people would not be left feeling like an outsider.
Self reflection is a critical step in reversing this idea, allowing yourself to look at the bigger picture of what’s going on. Being able to challenge already existing ideas and thinking about why you feel a certain way instead of who made you feel that way. Challenging the way you think helps remove the ideas already engraved in your brain, often affecting those around you as well. This helps create a more open mindset for you and for those around you, leaving more people feeling less like an outcast.
