An initiative from Jones administration to sell and raise turkeys for the Thanksgiving season has taken a turn after turkeys spent weeks and nights plotting their revenge against Jones leaders.
“This was really unexpected. We were turning a profit for the first few weeks, and everyone was in the Thanksgiving spirit. But now things have changed. Things are dark,” said administrator Mitchell Floogert.
Turkeys were heard gobbling throughout the night last week, likely planning how they would take over the school.
“I was working on “Puffs” during tech week and I went out into the alley to calm down a little bit, and I heard all of these turkeys, just gobbling. And that’s what they always do, but this felt different,” said Christine Whitney ‘25.
Administration is working to curb the turkeys, but the effects of their revolt are hard to miss.
“It’s been bad, really bad, honestly. I can’t really go to my classes or anything because the hallways are full of turkeys blocking my way and loudly yelping. And then I finally do make it to class, and it’s like, I can’t even hear over the yelping,” said Whitney.
Administrators stress that the turkey farm will remain open for the time being and visitors are free to take home a turkey for a small fee, despite the disturbance.
“We are still open and ready for business. We opened this farm to make a profit, and damn it we will make a profit. I don’t care if we have to walk through a sea of turkeys to sell them. This is just the way that things have to be,” said Floogert.
Teachers, however, are complaining that Jones is continuously being taken over by invasive species, and that administrators need to shut down the farm to free the captive animals and return normalcy to the school.
“It’s too much. Too much. First the goblins, and then gnomes, and ghouls, and like, you would think the turkeys are the least dangerous, which I guess they are, but they honestly have been the most annoying. Like, I just can’t get past these guys. This is getting really, really old at this point,” said AP Gov teacher Michael Levanowski. “Just shut down the farm already. Please, guys, please. Morally and stuff, it’s wrong, and it’s just making our lives harder.”
Administrators, however, stand hard in their sentiment that the turkey farm will remain open for the remainder of the Thanksgiving season.
“We understand that this has been difficult for teachers and students, and we are working as hard as we can to curb this. But we can’t do something as drastic as shutting down this turkey farm that we opened. It has to stay open for the remainder of the season. That’s the end of the story,” said Floogert.
Some students suggest that a compromise could be reached with the turkeys and administration where everyone is left happy.
“Why not just keep the farm open, but we don’t sell the turkeys? We just give them happy lives, and feed them and stuff? It would be fun for the students and you could even incorporate it into classes,” said Whitney.
Administrators, however, say that any plans to change how the turkey farm operates will be deliberated on and announced after break.
“The farm has brought in a lot of profit. Yeah, we know it’s causing problems, and those will be dealt with. We are not blind to that. But there’s a lot of factors at play here,” said Floogert.
Some students see the situation much clearer, however.
“Just close the farm. What is there to consider? That’s the clear option,” said Whitney.
