The student news site of Jones College Prep High School

Blueprint

The student news site of Jones College Prep High School

Blueprint

The student news site of Jones College Prep High School

Blueprint

SATIRE: Senioritis or something

It’s bad

I’m not gonna lie, this article is a couple days late. Not only that, but I don’t really want to write this at all. That’s senior year in a nutshell. 

As we find ourselves in the second semester of our senior year, it’s only fair to acknowledge senioritis. For those of you who don’t know, senioritis is like a plague. It comes out of nowhere and affects 90% of every senior class after their first semester. It has side effects like insomnia, laziness, and attendance deficit.

As a reporter, even though I am one of those infected, I am here to report on the 2024 Jones senioritis outbreak. 

I asked a senior, Tabatha Martinez-Perez ‘24, to take a trip down memory lane, and they said, “Remember the first semester: SAT cramming, college application grinding, and a whole lot of essays. Jones was an academic competition, and all of us were trying to win.”

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If you recall, we had college essay workshops open up. Alongside this, students were trying to befriend their teachers last minute for a juicy letter of rec. The classrooms turned into battlefields, the hallways were hectic, and even the bathrooms were filled with students skipping class to finish one last application. 

“But that semester is in the past. All that we need to do now is coast. Show up here and there, do some of the work, and check our emails. This is the life that we’ve dreamt of since freshman year,” said Martinez-Perez.

On the rare occasion a senior is spotted in class, it’s almost definite that they are sleeping, on their phone, or completely zoned out. It’s awesome. 

“That first semester was terrible. I was up late every night giving my all. Now, I have nothing left in the tank… it’s finally time to relax.”

Unfortunately for some seniors, this semester is not the vacation they have dreamt of. Deferrals have caused students even more stress, as some are required to write yet another essay explaining why they still show interest in the school they got deferred from. 

“I got deferred from Tulane. It sucked, that was my dream school. Now they have me writing about ‘why am I still interested in Tulane?!’ I’m not! What the heck even is a green wave? How can a frickin wave get sick?” said Martinez-Perez.

Alongside these unfortunate seniors, we would also like to point out the potential valedictorians. 

“They know who they are. They have perfect attendance, a GPA higher than their age. These kids will never rest, no matter how serious the case of senioritis is. These are the people who will run the world one day,” said Martinez-Perez.

Well, there it is. The senioritis outbreak has officially arrived at Jones College Prep, and it doesn’t seem to be leaving anytime soon. 

“Don’t be shocked if you walk into a senior class and see 10 students present, and only 5 of them awake,” said Martinez-Perez.

As for me, I’m just waiting for prom and that early graduation. I’m not going to lie to you guys, these quotes were made up, and this essay was originally ChatGPT’d. I have no motivation. The A days and B days have been blending together to form some type of “me day,” where my phone runs out of battery at noon resulting in me sleeping the rest of the day. 

Regardless, we pray for those who suffer from this infection, and we praise those who are immune to senioritis’s potent effects. 

This is Alex Leonard, class of 2024, Blueprint reporter, signing out. Goodnight Jones.

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Alex Leonard '24, Journalism I

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