Eagle Eight

Reasons for Why I am not Going to Homecoming

8. I got homework

7. We don’t have a homecoming game to celebrate

6. Jones does not allow me to bring my totally real boyfriend/girlfriend from the suburbs

5. I can’t buy a ticket with Apple Pay

4. I can’t dance.

3. How am I supposed to go up seven floors in heels?

2. I have a black eye because a senior pelted me in the face during the dodgeball game

1. I don’t want to have to watch Marge dance again