SATIRE: Dear students, staff, and families

CPS emails regarding shortening summer break

SATIRE%3A+Dear+students%2C+staff%2C+and+families

03/24/2021            6:45 am 

Dear students, staff, and families, 

Although we have heard your requests for a longer break, we are sorry to announce that instead of ending summer break after Labor Day as it normally has, CPS has officially decided to start the school year in August. We understand the inconvenience this may cause and are sorry to cut students’ summer break short. We apologize for ruining your end of August vacation plans. Next year, the school year will end a week earlier to ensure next year’s summer break will not be reduced from normal. 

Sincerely, 

Chicago Public Schools

 

03/13/2022            8:32 am 

Dear students, staff, and families, 

It is understandable that many students are excited for break as they will be able to engage in the normal summertime activities that they have missed out on in recent years, but, unfortunately the next school year will be starting in the middle of August. For the staff members who are reading this, this means that you will have to return to work in the beginning of August. We once again apologize for ruining your end of August vacation plans. We will be extending the Thanksgiving break to one week long so that students will be able to have a similar number of days off. 

Sincerely, 

Chicago Public Schools

 

03/08/2024            9:08 am 

Dear students, staff, and families, 

We are emailing to inform you that we have decided to extend the school year by a month. Instead of beginning in the middle of August as we did last year, we will start the school year in July. This will provide students with a much needed four-week break before the start of the following school year. We understand that this may interfere with those of you who enjoy traveling and apologize for any inconvenience which this may cause. Many teachers have reached out expressing their concern about salaries, and, even though the break will be shorter, we will not be increasing your wages. Teachers are clearly overpaid as it is. 

Sincerely, 

Chicago Public Schools

 

03/19/2030                  7:57 am 

We have heard your concerns over the recent years about the short summer break and, despite this, we have decided to eliminate summer break entirely. To make sure students are prepared for the real world, there will now be no summer break but instead, one-week break at the beginning of each month. Kids have it too easy, and when they get jobs of their own, they will not be able to get four weeks off over the summer (not even teachers have summer breaks anymore). We want your kids to have good habits and year-round school will definitely help. Even our younger students should begin to gain life experience – after all, it’s not like they are babies anymore. 

Sincerely, 

Chicago Public Schools

 

03/19/2030             9:36 am 

The previous email sent was a mistake, sorry. We decided that we are changing the summer break policy to one week breaks every month, but we totally forgot to mention that we are excluding September, October, January, March, May, July, and August. The breaks in December and April will be during the holidays as opposed to the first Monday of the month. This is because 12 weeks of break every week is absolutely ridiculous and too much time off for students. 

Sincerely, 

Chicago Public Schools

 

03/16/2033           11:45 am 

We have decided school is going to be in session on weekends now. You’ll have 16-hour breaks every day inbetween school, so make sure to use your time well during that time. We’ve given you lots of time to get some rest, do your chores, spend time with your family and friends, do your homework, and work a job. And, don’t forget that your mental health is super important! We suggest that students meditate at some point during their 16-hour breaks so as not to feel stressed. 

Sincerely, 

Chicago Public Schools