SATIRE: It’s fight night

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*Interview names are anonymous to ensure their identity and safety

**Satire is not meant to be taken seriously

In recent times, various Jones students have chosen to draw inspiration from the famous movie “Fight Club” and host various fights of their own.

 Although the first rule of “Fight Club ” famously states, “You do not talk about Fight Club,” these students chose to skip the rule portion of the event and get straight to the fighting. 

“[Fight Club] is a coalition of people who enjoy the art of boxing and want to practice it on one another,” said fight club participant George Kanter ‘22.

While it appears straightforward at first sight, the roots of this fight club are planted much deeper than it may initially seem. The source of these roots: Jones’ lack of a tackle football team.

“It’s violence, so it lets out anger and passion and physical roughness that you otherwise would see in football,” said Jaden Daniels ‘22, another fight club participant. “The reason we do fight club is because we don’t have a football team.”

For many years, Jones students have complained about the school’s absence of a football team. With seemingly every other Chicago Public School boasting a team for the sport, Jones has continuously been left in the dust with no spirit-filled, action-packed football games to attend during the fall sports season.

“It’s bullsh—,” said Daniels. “I wish we had a team. It would bring a lot of publicity to Jones and we’d be a better school overall.”

With a need to take out their anger, and no football team to do it with, students are finding fight club to be an ideal solution. 

“In football, whenever you’re mad you take it out on your defender or the person guarding you. But now, we don’t have the opportunity to do that,” said fight club member Darryl Brady ‘22. “We have to take out that anger on other people through fight club.”

The thirst for violence in today’s high schools has driven students to entirely new levels. In most schools, kids are granted opportunities to take out their anger on the football field, or even in school hallways. 

However, with Jones’ high-tech security system, also known as Marge, fighting at school is not an option. This forces students to fight without the oversight of adults off of school property. 

Although the dangers of fighting without adults may appear drastic upon first sight, the students participating do their best to ensure things don’t get too out of hand.

“There’s been a mix in the fights between MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) and boxing,” said Kanter. “The most common fights we’ll see are boxing because people don’t want to get too messed up.”

While “safety first” is always a priority, the members of the fight club still hold nothing back in their fights. Rules for the fights are relatively broad, but they still ultimately declare a winner each time.

“It’s usually by hits and knockdowns, but it’s also about who looks the worst after,” said Kanter. “They go two full minutes and they decide from there if they want to go more rounds.” 

In a world of violence and sports, Jones students have managed to channel the two together to create a hobby unlike any other. With the institution of a fight club, students can take out their anger from so many societal issues in a safe and friendly manner.